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Are You American Friday, Nov. 21, 2003 Are you American? A quiz.... > (Don't blame me, I'm just forwarding it on...) >1. You decide that the relationship with your partner is over. How do you >break the news you are leaving? >a. Leave a tearful note on the table and slip quietly away >b. Calmly discuss the reasons with your partner for your decision >c. Attack them with a chair in front of a rabble of cheering pumped-up >inbreeds on national television. > >2. You and your mates decide to have a game of football in the park. What >do you need to take? >a. A ball >b. A ball and 2 coats >c. A ball, 50 crash helmets, 4 tons of body armour, 20 cheerleaders, a >marching sousaphone band with a grand piano >on a trolley, and a team of orthopaedic surgeons specialising in spinal >injuries. > >3. You are driving along a country road when you accidentally run over a >rabbit. What do you do? >a. Stop and see how badly injured it is, taking it to a vet if it is still >alive >b. Carry on driving, but hope it is still alive, or if not, that it died >quickly >c. Strap it across the bonnet of your car and drive home hollering, >whooping and throwing empty Budweiser cans out of >the window. > >4. You wake up in the morning with a stiff neck after sleeping in an >awkward position. What do you do? >a. Ignore it. It will probably loosen up as the day progresses >b. Take a couple of aspirins and get on with things. >c. Take yourself to a prostitute-addicted TV evangelist faith healer in an >ill-fitting wig, who will lay his hands on your head, whilst screaming >about the devil in front of an audience of gibbering inbreeds. > >5. What do you have for breakfast? >a. A bowl of Cornflakes, slice of toast and a mug of tea >b. Glass of orange juice, croissant and a cup of coffee >c. A bag of donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce steak with six eggs sunny >side-up, fifteen pancakes with maple syrup, ten >waffles, five corn dogs and a diet root beer. > >6. You and your partner decide to take the plunge and get married. What >sort of ceremony do you have? >a. A quiet party with a few friends in a registry office >b. A church service followed by a traditional reception at a hotel >c. A minute long mockery at a 24 hour drive-through chapel in Las Vegas, >presided over by a transvestite vicar dressed as Elvis. > >7. Your 14-year-old son is going through a difficult phase, becoming >disruptive at school and reclusive at home. What >do you do? >a. Don't worry. Its just a phase and will pass. >b. Encourage him to get out more, get involved in team sports or join a >youth club. >c. Take him to an armoury and buy him an arsenal of semi-automatic weapons >and enough ammunition to slaughter a small town. > >8. You fancy a night in watching something funny on TV. What kind of >comedy do you choose? >a. A sitcom like FawltyTowersor Father Ted >b. A sketch show like the Two Ronnies or the Fast show >c. A thinly disguised morality play set in a massive lounge where the >audience whoop for ten minutes every time an >overpaid actor with a superglued grin on his face makes an entrance to >deliver a lightweight wisecrack. > >9. Whilst getting ready for bed, you stub your toe on your wife's dressing >table. What do you do? >a. Shout and swear a bit, after all, it did hurt >b. Make a mental note to move the table so it doesn't happen again >c. Immediately call a hotshot lawyer with an uptown reputation, and sue >your wife's ass. > >10. There are peace talks in another part of the world. What do you do? >a. Let them get on with it but offer your advice if needed >b. Let them get on with it and offer help to both sides >c. Ignore all parties wishes and protests and take over the talks. > >11. There are global concerns about the emissions from cars, do you: >a. Introduce incentives to switch to cleaner cars >b. Invent a new cleaner fuel >c. Continue to use and invent dirtier cars, ignoring the global concerns >about the emissions. > >12. There is a war in another part of the world, do you: >a. Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed and step in when >necessary >b. Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed and bring the >culprits to justice >c. Invade the country flattening all buildings, fire at all allied and >enemy airplanes killing people no matter which side they're on after all, >a kill is a kill. > >13. Your city has been the victim of a terrorist attack. You should: >a. Treat victims, clean up and find those responsible >b. Treat victims, clean up and find those responsible and bring them to >justice >c. Treat victims, clean up and find those responsible, but continue to >support and fund terrorist activities abroad. > >14. You're on holiday abroad, do you: >a. Enjoy the local culture and food >b. Enjoy the local culture and food but look forward to getting home >c. Complain and whinge that the country that you are visiting is nothing >like home. > > >Answers... > >If you answered mostly (a)'s & (b)'s then you are a normal well balanced >individual. >If you answered mostly (c)'s then sorry, you are an American. > > >God Bless America
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